If you are in my orbit its likely you are on a journey of getting to know yourself better, finding your purpose, healing, personal growth, self care and/or opening up to your intuitive/spiritual nature. This is a journey I have been on myself for more than 20 years.
In all that time of the working on myself and working with others I have experimented with many ideas, teachings, tools and processes. I have learnt that instead of turning within, we can overthink our growth and healing and externalise the process by looking for the method or practice that will change everything for us.
What changes everything is curiosity and kindness.
In truth our healing journey back to our true nature is an inside job. All of the external trimmings a distraction from our truest truth, which we are both most afraid of and trying our hardest to connect to.
The solution is curiosity and kindness.
In my work with my clients I see it as my role to support you to embrace the inner journey, to slowly step towards that which feels most uncomfortable with curiosity and kindness. It sounds so very simple yet it can be one of the hardest things to do.
I often observe in my clients as I have in myself this palpable aversion to offering ones self an olive branch, a rope, a ladder, a helping hand. While we often have the capacity to be deeply present with those around us, to support them through tough moments and soul searching it can feel extremely hard to offer even the smallest amount of curiosity and kindness to ourselves.
Our expectation is that we “should” be able to work it out or we “should” be over it by now and we turn to ourself with judgement, harsh self talk, frustration an exasperation instead of a little curiosity and kindness.
Curiosity and kindness break down our inner walls and open a door to greater self understanding, compassion and awareness.
Curiosity and kindness when directed towards ones self, melts those tough defences and invites the soft underbelly of our fears and deepest desires out to play.
Nothing is off limits when we apply curiosity and kindness
So how do we begin to bring curiosity and kindness to the table in our time of need? The easiest way to begin is to imagines you are speaking to a small child with a worry or a problem. Its easier to bring curiosity and kindness to the table when you imagine a dialogue with a child. The harsh judge within takes a step back and allows your curious and kind nature to step forward. When speaking with a child we ask gentle inviting questions and we use soft tones and nurturing words because we know that will invite a sharing and the problem will reveal its self in the safety of your curiosity and kindness.
Offering myself curiosity and kindness in this way has allowed me to build a bridge of deep connection with my truest self and my deepest desires.
It has allowed me to fully accept myself and to heal and to grow and to be the truth of who I am a little more each day. Curiosity and kindness have allowed me to support myself in every aspect of my life and to turn to others for support when I need it. Curiosity and Kindness are the two most underrated tools for self healing and personal growth. Today I invite you to experiment a little with curiosity and kindness yourself and to let me know if you feel and opening as I have. An opening of a deeper relationship to yourself.
“The door to the sanctuary is inside you” Rumi
You can always book a free chat with me to discuss where your starting point might be. Book here
Stuck is a story I have told myself a lot in the 4 years since starting my coaching business and I suspect I am far from alone in my stuckness.
Stuck is conveinient, it justifies procrastination, it excuses us from reaching our goals and dreams and it allows us to feel ok about mediocre results. The truth is stuck falls into 2 categories; fear or belief.
Feeling stuck happens because you are either afraid of stepping up and outside of your comfort zone or you are running a belief that you are not good enough, smart enough, lovable enough or deserving of what it is you really want.
Stuck looks like the inability to move forward no matter how hard you want to. Stuck feels like there is a part of you that just cant connect to the next step even if you know what it is. Stuck disguises itself as the feeling of being off track, not ready or just not feeling it.
Why do we stay stuck? Stuck is safe, stuck keeps you warm and toasty inside your comfort zone. Stuck means you dont have to confront the parts of you that are afraid or dont feel good. Stuck means you dont have to face disappointment or rejection or deal with what will happens if things go really well and get really big. Stuck gives you a sense of control. The real irony is that stuck actually feels like a pretty shitty place to be even though you are choosing it.
So how do you shift stuck? Getting unstuck is a choice. Its a choice you are free to make in any moment. Stuck feels like an invisible jailer and you are searching and searching for the key everywhere. The key is already in your hand. Its been there the whole time!
To Get unstuck you need to decide to use the key! The first step is to look at why you are choosing stuck. Are you afraid of your next step or are you running a belief that you cant have it?
From the safety of stuck in to fear, exhilaration and motivation….. If it its fear that is keeping your stuck it will take a little courage to make a move outside your comfort zone. Choose a tiny, tiny step and give yourself a deadline to take it. Its normal to feel fear when you step outside your comfort zome. Feeling the fear is a good sign you are on the right track and also a sign that you will very soon feel the exhilaration of being on the other side of stuck. Moving from comfort to fear to exhilaration and motivation is simply a series of very small steps. If you need some help working out what those steps are then coaching support can be invaluable here. A good coach will also be your biggest cheerleader celebrating your small steps right along side you.
From stuck beliefs to leveling up your life.…running a limiting belief can keep you stuck for a really long time. I have become so determine to seek out and shift my own and my clients limiting beliefs that last year I trained as an N.L.P coach so I would have the very best tools for change. A limiting belief is simply a glitchy program in your brain. A belief is an idea that you have taken on as your own to the point where your brain now filters information to support that belief. This doesnt mean that the belief is true. It just means you are focusing on the reasons that support it being true. Is it really true? Probably not. Take a step back and really look at your life. What is the evidence suggesting? 9 time out of 10 your life reflects the truth of who you are despite the limiting beleif you are running. You are likely more loved, smarter, more deserving and worthy than your beliefs will have you see.
NLP Coaching shifts limiting beliefs….The great news is that I can easily and quickly help you identify the exact belief that is getting in the way and then we can clear it and create a new supportive belief to replace it. Its called Neural coding and it generally takes 3 sessions to get lasting change and to see you racing out of stuck and into action.
So how are you feeling about your stuck now? It is my hope that you have some insight into what is at the bottom of it and a bit of a plan to take a step forward. If I can help in anyway please feel free to get in touch.
One last thought for you….how you are in one area of your life is affected by all areas of your life. If you dont yet feel ready to deal with the stuckness in your business then look at what else in your life is stuck. Do you have an overgrown garden? Is your wardrobe or garage full of things that need to be cleared out? this too is stuck energy and clearing a little clutter in your life will help you feel stronger about clearing the stuck in the big important and scary areas.
Despite the current world situation I had a record month in my business in July. It was quite unexpected in a way as I had planned for July to be a month of building systems and structures to support my growing business. Miraculously, what unfolded was that I had an increase in one on one clients as well as completing work on systems and structures. My plans weren’t derailed in any way by an increased client load, as they have been in the past.
So what changed?……. I did!
Lockdown 1.0 gave us all plenty of reflection time and what that showed me really clearly was how much I was holding myself back from my business. I had been procrastinating for a long time on uplevelling parts of my business that were calling me. Procrastinating because of a long held belief that I wasn’t worthy of the success I desired and afraid that I wouldn’t ever meet my own expectations. During lockdown I found myself engaging more deeply with my fears and limiting beliefs and stepping forward into parts of my business that I had been holding back from.
Most notably I gave up the idea of my own unworthiness. The belief that I was somehow unworthy has been with me for as long as I can remember and it has shown up in both my working and personal life. I have addressed its many layers and over time I have become skilled at recognising when it was operating, holding me back and keeping me stuck.
Today I want to share with you some of the steps I have taken to change this belief and how to recognise, if you too are holding parts of yourself back from fully engaging with your business because of beliefs and fears that need to go.
I suspect like me you likely got into business because there is something you are passionate about, something that you love doing and your business allows this. However, to really make your business fly you know you have to do things that scare the living daylights out of you. We are afraid because its new and outside our experience and often because we are holding on to old conditioning and beliefs that aren’t serving us.
For example: ~ When you pitch to a big client for a new contract you may come face to face with your fear of not being good enough and the part of you that doesn’t believe she can really pull it off.
~ When sit down and get real about the numbers in the business or prepare your paper work for your accountant you may meet the part of you who is afraid she isn’t smart enough, who doesn’t believe she can do it and who carries the belief that she just isnt good at maths.
~ When things in your business start to really take off up comes your fear of success, or your belief that you don’t deserve it.
~ When its your time to shine in your business you will feel your fear of rejection, your fear of being seen and your belief that you are not worthy.
This all translates into lost opportunities and slows your business growth. It puts the contract or new client in your competitors hands because you really couldn’t bring yourself to the table. And it will see you procrastinate and procrastinate on jobs you know you need to get done because you just cant seem to make a start. It will have you watching others enjoying the success that you crave.
The good news is that you CAN change the effect your fears and limiting beliefs have on your business and on your life. You can move forward and have what you want quickly and easily if you choose to and the rewards will be great. You will enjoy more success and growth in your business and feel more deeply satisfied, connected and engaged in what you are doing.
So how do you kick your fear to the kerb and up your self-belief? I’d love to tell you its easy but the truth is it will challenge you to do this. However, over time it does get easier. A lot easier.
I would encourage you, if it feels too hard, to seek some support from a coach. A good coach will be able to help you identify what the issue is and hold your hand as you work through it. Engaging coaching support has paid for itself over and over in my own business journey.
In the meantime here’s 3 strategies to get you started. (1) IDENTIFY: make a note of what you are avoiding and putting off doing in your business. What tasks and activities fill you with dread? Also note the dialogue from the “mean girl” inside your head. What are you telling yourself about these things you put off? When we know where we are holding back it becomes easier to take action (2) FEEL: engage with the feeling you have when you think about doing these things. Let the feeling tell you its story. Where does it sit in your body? How big is it, what colour is it, if it had a name what would you call it. What other tasks and activities make you feel this way. When was the first time you remember having this feeling? When we become familiar with our feelings, we can identify when they are impacting on what we are doing and we are in a stronger place to work through them. (3) AFFIRM and attempt: now that you are really familiar with the feeling, acknowledge it when it comes up for you. Using an affirmation may help, such as “even though I am feeling not good enough, it is safe for me to start writing this pitch” “Even though I am afraid of not getting it right, it is safe for me to start my paperwork” Then make a start. it can help to have a timer and set it for 5 mins. Even though you are feeling your fear you are going to work on it for just 5 mins. After 5 mins review how you feel and how much you got done.Once you make a start you will find that you are able to work on it for longer than you think!
By engaging with what holds us back we are empowered to move forward. By engaging with our fears we begin the process of healing the parts of ourselves that are wounded, afraid and holding on to beliefs that no longer serve us. You can let your fears and lack of self belief dictate the level of success you experience in your business or you can at any moment take back your power and choose a different way. Its really up to YOU!
Finally I want you to know that its not YOU its your brain! Your brain has learnt to operate from the limited beliefs you are running so it feels extremely uncomfortable to do something different. Our brain, has to literally create a new neural pathway to choose a different response. That’s why it feels so damn awkward and icky. If you can allow the discomfort to be there but take action anyway, your brain learns to rewire to your new more supportive way of being. So its time to stop holding yourself back and to start uplevelling your business and beliefs. You can do this. I know you can 🙂
I’d love to support you with this process and to answer any questions you have along the way. Feel free to share or ask questions in the comments or DM me for a free 30min chat. Photo by Jacqueline Munguía on Unsplash